Top pol thought iCloud was in the sky

A TOP ASIAN politician thinks “cloud computing” means placing files in actual clouds floating around in the sky.

Vishwa Bandhu Gupta thought techies like Apple’s Steve Jobs had somehow found a way to hang emails and stuff onto passing fluffy cumulonimbus clouds.

The Indian anti-corruption campaigner let this slip in a recent TV interview when he warned of the dangers of cloud computing.

“What happens to your valuable files if it starts to rain?” he demanded. “Or if there’s a storm?”

The TV interviewer kept a straight face and kept up the Indian diagonal head-wobble, a useful non-committal response that can be used in numerous situations. (Full video here.)

To be honest, it was kind of sweet to watch. This sounds like a perfect opportunity to reprise our Dictionary of Internet Terms for Elderly Asians, which is intended affectionately.

The list was inspired by my elderly family members, who think “right-click link” is a dance move and “refresh browser” means “give the dog some water”.

Top ten definitions:

1) Hard drive:Going all the way to town on a bullock cart.

2) Desktop Icon: Buddha statue.

3) Laptop: Portion of your trousers stained by curry spills, etc.

4) Server:Waitress.

5) Remote server: Waitress who will not flirt with you.

6) Mac: Strange, round Western sandwich, too big to fit in mouth.

7) Bar code: Always go outside the arrack hut to vomit.

8) Floppy disk: Cause of pain in your lower back.

9) Disk Operating System: Bed frame on which you lie while your Thai masseuse walks on your back to get your spine straight again.

10) Loop: (See Loop).

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SEEN IN a hotel in Chiang Mai, Thailand: “Please do not bring solicitors into your room.” Good advice for all situations.

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THE WORST date ever? Leah Gibbs, 23, was asked out by Adam Minter, 21, through Facebook. Arriving downtown, he asked Leah to stay in the car while he “got some cash”.Minter reportedly robbed a bank, leapt back into the car and screamed: “Go, go, GO!”It wasn’t a date he wanted, but a getaway car driver.UK police locked them both up.

Boys and girls, this story has an important lesson for all of us.KEEP LIFE INTERESTING: date random strangers off the Internet.

Incidentally, women are always saying, “Men are only after one thing,” but it’s not true. We’re after TWO things.

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SEEN IN a park in Beijing, China: “Having Fun Prohibited.”

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THANKS to an alert reader, here’s another amazing recent crime story from the UK. Lloyds-TSB bank teller Alison Wheeldon saw an 85-year-old customer making a suspiciously large withdrawal, so decided to follow her home—and found a conman waiting to take her cash. UK police jailed him last week.

Cool. Next time I withdraw cash from the bank, I DEMAND staff follow me to the shops to make sure I spend it wisely. Are you listening, HSBC? Lloyds-TSB has set a new minimum standard for customer service.

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ASIA’S GIRL shortage is growing. By 2050, there will be 60 million spare marriageable-age guys in China and India, the Economist reported. Single ladies, if you feel unappreciated, just think of that Beatles’ lyric: “It’s getting better every day.”

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THANKS for brightening up my Monday morning with letters and emails and comments. The world appears to be getting sillier. Thank God for small mercies. Coming up on this page later this week:How you can be a world leader; the man who used embroidery in a psychological warfare against Hitler; and much more…

Technorati Tags: Vishwa Bandu,cloud computing,Alison Wheeldon,Asia sex imbalance,funny signs

(Top illustration is public domain image of a cloud, taken by Greg Lundeen of the US National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration)