SHE FAKED HER PREGNANCY. FOR 10 MONTHS

I just overheard a guy telling his wife to calm down, look at the facts and think rationally. Can you believe THERE ARE STILL MEN who don’t understand how women work?!?!

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Guys, guys! Women are complex creatures with intuitive decision-making processes that far transcend the basic logic systems used by simple males. Consider the following true news story.

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A young woman recently used purpose-made padding to fool her boyfriend into thinking she was pregnant. It worked perfectly – until things got awkward with her “baby bump” going into its 10th month.

The woman eventually revealed that she had ordered a fake-a-baby kit off the internet, a TV news station in the US state of Michigan reported.

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The report was forwarded to me by reader Anya Srinivas, who said: “She probably realised that she couldn’t fool the women in her social circle, but if her boyfriend was anything like mine, he wouldn’t have twigged for several more months.”

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When it comes to feminine issues, are men really so stupid? The guys in my office responded angrily to the accusation with cries of: “Oh yes we are.”

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I think the woman should have told the boyfriend that the biggest, strongest animals have longer gestations: 16 months for a rhino, 23 months for an elephant, etc., and then he’d have taken it as a compliment to himself.

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Yet my male logic still puts her offense into the “Doomed From The Start” category.

Even if she had kept it up for 23 months, what was her exit strategy? Tell the boyfriend that the baby had slipped out and escaped into the night?

Wouldn’t even a typically unobservant male have asked questions? “Newborns can climb down drainpipes?” “Newborns are masters of disguise?”

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I shared the tale at the office and a female colleague to my surprise produced a rather unusual example of a similar "Doomed From The Start" scheme that turned out fine.

In the summer of this year, zookeepers in Australia were horrified to find a dead mother tree kangaroo with a joey inside – which is a semi-developed baby kangaroo. The zookeepers took it out, sneaked into the cage of an adult female wallaby and hid it in her pouch. The wallaby woke up, found the foetus in her pocket, and assumed it was hers – missing the fact that she had not been pregnant and failing to notice that her offspring was a different species.

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This made me think. I know lots of stupid people (like attracts like) and wonder if I could persuade one of them that my three children are theirs? I could reveal the truth later, say, after all three have graduated from university.

I reckon it would all be a matter of planting the idea in the right way.

“How are your six children these days?”

“Six? I have three children.”

“No, I’m sure you have six – just look out of the window and count. See? Six. Well, gotta go.”

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Worth trying, no? My female colleague has just pointed out that no woman would be fooled by this, but added: “But if you know any single male fathers, you might be in with a chance.”