New gun embarrasses bad guys
|Nury Vittachi||Jun 20, 2012|
A NEW RIOT control weapon is being launched this month. You zap the “sonic cannon” at a bad guy and he immediately goes to the toilet. It penetrates all known underwear brands.
I know it sounds like a joke, but I was sent enough information to decide that it really exists. When I was a kid, I saved up my money to buy a pea shooter, which was really just a straw. I guess you could call this a “pee shooter”, get it?
Puns aside, Polish police have been trained to use the “involuntary urination” cannon to control football hooligans at the current Euro 2012 soccer games.
This is how it is intended to work.
“Mwahaha. Let us overturn this police car!”
“Ha ha ha, now you have a damp patch on the front of your trousers!”
“Oh no, I must immediately cease this antisocial behavior so I can return to my hotel room to change into my characteristic fresh, dry, lavender-scented clothing.”
Anyway, it’s clear that this weapon was dreamed up by a deeply immature male, or to put it another way, a male.
I am SO getting one of these for my birthday.
Just think, any time you are at a speech or lecture or anything which gets boring, you just use your sonic gun to zap the speaker and suddenly it’s “I think I’ll finish there” and he shuffles off stage holding his briefcase in front of him.
How does the sonic gun work? Invisible beams cause “unusual and severe internal vibrations in the abdomen”, according to the internet.
Why am I reminded of the food at Taipei airport? Eating that causes unusual and severe internal vibrations in the abdomen, as I can attest personally. It feels like you’re in an earthquake. If enough diners consume the stuff at once, we’d probably trigger one.
Anyway, readers attending the Euro 2012 soccer tournament in Poland, take a change of underclothing.
NEWS IN BRIEF
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“Today’s show is brought to you by the latter A, which stands for America, also known as The Great Satan.”
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