Monday memo: The marriage advantage

Yes, I love weddings. This writer was asked to give inspirational words of wisdom to a newly married bride. I said: "Now you can eat ANYTHING you like. Go get them donuts, girl."

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Doing some Deep Thinking about marriage reminded me of the fights that all couples have in the early years of a relationship. Arguments are like Paul McCartney concerts: five minutes of new stuff and then out come tons of old classics.

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The good news: eventually you and your partner spend a whole day arguing about whether or not you're having an argument.

After that peak, the male goes quiet, and a miraculously dispute-free relationship ensues for the rest of your lives.

My wife and I have definitely reached that stage, unless she says we haven't, in which case we definitely haven't.

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These thoughts coincided with the arrival of a report from a reader about a man in Java who recently married a fairy. Kodok, aged 63, wedded Roro Setyowati, ageless, who is described as a peri, or invisible female spirit.

“Kodok and Roro Setyowati had decided to tie the knot after first meeting five years ago,” the Jakarta Post reported. (The consumption of liquids may have been involved.)

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“What's the point of having a wife who is invisible?” said the reader who sent me the link. "Surely the great thing about women is that they are scenic."

In further exchanges, he saw the advantages of having an invisible, inaudible wife, causing me to edit his name out of this text for his own safety and continued happiness.

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Westerners think Asians are backwards because we don't allow same-sex marriages, but we're more advanced in many ways.

We allow people to marry fairies, statues, paintings and trees, although they MUST be opposite sex trees.

REGISTRAR: “Are you sure this oak tree is female? Looks kinda hunky to me.”

GROOM: “She's been comfort-eating.”

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Why marry a tree? The following true story is a typical case which explains why: An Indian woman was told by a fortune-teller that her first wedding would fail and her second would work. So she married a tree first, divorced him, and then went for the human option.

I heard this from the woman's daughter, a Hong Kong reader named Shrynne, whose parents have now been married for almost 50 years. (Her mom still thinks wistfully about the tree from time to time).

*** Those in the West are starting to copy us with the marrying non-humans thing.

Erika LaBrie married the Eiffel Tower in Paris in 2007 and changed her name to Erika Eiffel.

A couple of years ago, CNN did a special feature on a guy "who was in a romantic relationship with his car."

Have idiot TV anchors never met a male before? ALL motor-owning guys are like that. That's why Top Gear is the world's most popular documentary series. It’s the guy equivalent of a love story.

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Whatever. Still, no one can deny that marriage is an enormously important stage, making a huge transformation in your life.

Married people know what I am talking about.

…He said, as he wrote the last sentence and headed to the donut store.

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