Key 9/11 fact is STILL wrong

AIYEEAAAH! Ten years later and we’re STILL getting a key 9/11 fact wrong. That was the lesson for me after reading all the stuff about the anniversary of Bin Laden’s attacks on the US.

What exactly is the problem? I’ll explain. But since these may be HIGHLY controversial matters, let me put my cards on the table first. My father was Muslim, my mother is Buddhist, I married a Christian, my workmates are atheists, and I live in a Taoist society.

Me? I am or have been all of the above. My friends say what I really am is a Beatles fanatic.

Having all these elements in my make-up gives me an amazing superpower: I am able to spot glaring inconsistencies in how people of various world views are treated. And there’s one that drastically needs fixing.

There are constant references in the international media to the late Osama Bin Laden and members of Al Qaida as Muslims, my father’s faith. But they are no such thing.

I can hear the rustle of thousands of eyebrows being lifted, so allow me to explain. Anders Breivik, the Norwegian killer, comes from a Christian country and has a Christian frame of reference. But no media refers to him as “a killer driven by his desire to follow Jesus’ teachings”. It would be absurd. His writings make it clear he is no Christian, but an extremist fanatic.

US killer Charles Manson was a Beatles fan who wrote song lyrics over his victims, but it would be crazy to refer to him as a man “motivated by Lennon and McCartney songs”. Manson is a demented murderer, simple as that.

Osama Bin Laden and his ilk have an Islamic frame of reference, but they don’t represent Islam any more than Breivik represents Christianity, or Manson represents Paul McCartney. It’s obvious to Muslims that Al Qaida is not an Islamic organization, but a group of dangerous fanatics whose every action belies Islam’s core beliefs.

If I substitute different beliefs, the problem may become clearer.

Imagine that a demented man named Bob Smith blows up a major global landmark in the name of Hello Kitty, the Beatles, yoga, the Fishmongers Union, stamp collecting, or communism. We would expect to see countless media references to the demented mass killer Bob Smith. But we would think it odd if every reference was prefixed by the words “Hello Kitty-fuelled hate monger” or “extremist Hello Kitty collector” or something similar.

Bob Smith may BELIEVE his actions are linked to the cartoon cat, but true Hello Kitty fans (and the present writer has two daughters) know they couldn’t possibly be. Blowing up buildings is not what Hello Kitty is about. And the media seems to find it hard to believe, but blowing up buildings is not what Islam is about. Honestly.

So here’s a plea. A moment’s thought is all it takes for us to realize that the truth is the opposite of what the international media tells us. Murderers like the Bin Laden gang aren’t Muslims: they are Islam’s greatest enemies.

So let’s stop referring to them as Muslims, and think of them as they are: a group of murderous fanatics. Let’s spread some lurrve by refusing to help the mass media bring one gentle and unfairly maligned faith into disrepute. Given these fanatics’ 30-60 age range, some of them may be Beatles fans. Some probably have daughters who collect Hello Kitty dolls.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I am going to calm my nerves by going to listen to some Lennon and McCartney. Me and Charles Manson.

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END OF SERIOUS BIT.

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BACK TO NORMAL WACKY STUFF

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QUEEN ELIZABETH II got an iPad after Prince William showed her his, the UK press reported, according to a clipping sent to me. I wonder if there’s a History Channel app called Ridiculous Historical Anomalies featuring herself as Exhibit A?

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A THIEF spotted a car in New York City with its engine switched on. He leapt in and drove off, according to MSNBC. Then he discovered that there were two children and a poodle in the back. He turned around, drove the kids home, leapt out, and ran for his life. Parents: why waste money on expensive car alarms? Just leave junior on the back seat.

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LETTER RECEIVED just now from a regular reader named Scarlette: “So funny you mentioned Scarlett Johansson [in yesterday’s post]. I just read that someone leaked nude photos to the Internet of her!”

I was shocked, and immediately snapped into action, sending the following message to Ms Johansson: “I’m so sorry, Scarlett my dear, that the private pictures you took for me were hacked and ended up on the Internet. I blame Rupert Murdoch.”

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NEWS UPDATE: Ms Johansson just claimed on the media that someone committed a crime by sharing pics of her with the world. The guy sitting next to me says it would have been a crime not to have shared them with the world.

It takes all sorts to make a world.

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Tomorrow: The world’s two most misguided protests.

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