Being fat saved his life

HAVE YOU FINISHED your dinner, sir? If so, do you mind if I lie down on your plate?

An Asian community has taken the adage about the poor benefiting from crumbs from the rich man’s table literally.

Leftovers from high-ranking Brahmin class dinners are wrapped in banana leaves and spread over the floor at a temple in Kukke, a town outside Bangalore in India.

Low-ranking people then roll over them to absorb blessings, I heard from V.S. Karnic, a correspondent for the Indo Asian News Service.

Cool. I wonder if this works anywhere? I mean, could I just go to the restaurant at the nearest golf club and roll around in the lunches of the tycoons?

I’d love to try, especially if they were eating them at the time.

Talking of food, I have finally found PROOF that being fat is good for your health—in fact, it can save your life.

Last week, heroic-but-heavy bus driver Omar Alegria Campos, 33, threw himself at a gunman in Santiago, Chile. The bad guy shot him, but Alegria’s pot belly caught the bullet, preventing any serious damage. In a report on the incident from the La Cuarta newspaper, sent in by reader Wendy Tong, doctors said a skinny person would have been killed instantly.

Next time anyone tells you you’re getting fat, just look deeply shocked and reply: “It’s my bullet-proof protective layer. You don’t have one?!”

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NEED A cheap surgeon to remove a bullet or for any other purpose? Reader Graham Lovell saw a sign at Bolton General Hospital in the UK saying:

“Danger: Guard dogs operate on this site.”

AMAZING what animals can do these days.

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MOVIE PIRATES in Sweden have set up a religion of copying, a website reported last week.

The Missionary Church of Kopimism set up by Isak Gerson (below) is founded on the principle that there’s nothing wrong with stealing other people’s ideas.

“To everyone with an internet connection: keep copying!” Gerson told an interviewer from Torrent Freak website.

Hmm. That’s given me an idea. Here goes a revised news report.

A diarist named Mr Jam has set up a religion of copying. The brilliant new religion set up by me… etc, etc. Muah ha ha, give him a taste of his own medicine.

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A CASTRATOR fish has been discovered in Papua New Guinea. The sharp-toothed Pacau fish sneaks up behind fishermen wading in rivers and – chomp!---takes a gruesome revenge on behalf of fishes everywhere.

The testicle-removing fish was shown last week on TV show River Monsters.

I hereby register a complaint against the Animal Planet channel for its GROSS IRRESPONSIBILITY in putting this dangerous information on television around the world where feminists may see it.

From now on I SHALL look extremely carefully before lowering myself into the bath.

I suggest all men with stormy relationship with women (Grandpa, are you listening?) do the same.

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A MAN AGED 99 filed for divorce from his 96-year-old wife after he found letters revealing she had an affair 50 years ago, the ANSA news agency reported last week. I usually find the phrase “get over it” annoying, but in this case. . . .

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(Pic at top shows random fat guy; guard dog sign not original from named hospital; Isak Gerson shown in person; fish pic from Daily Telegraph, old folk pic shows models)

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