Animal sacrifice to keep airlines flying

ANIMAL SACRIFICE IS in the headlines, after 5,000 baby goats were sacrificed in a single ritual in India earlier this month.

Priests drank the blood over ice through curly plastic straws.

Okay, maybe the ice and the straws are just a guess, but they did chug the stuff down, according to my source in South India. (Apparently goat blood tastes like V8 vegetable juice which has gone way past its expiry date, which to my tastebuds tastes like V8 which has not gone way past its expiry date.)

Some citizens criticized the mass goat sacrifice while others defended it as an ancient ritual.

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But you know what? I reckon the animal sacrifice thing is disappearing fast all over Asia.

It was only about five years ago that airline officials in Nepal sacrificed two goats on the Kathmandu airport runway to the Sky God, to solve recurring technical problems which had grounded one of its Boeing 757s. True story.

I remember it well. Interviewed before the event, the goats said, “Baaaaaa”, which means “We are delighted to have this chance to contribute to the all-important issues of airline safety for Nepal Airlines. Fly the friendly Nepali skies.” Or something like that.

As a frequent traveler, this kind of thing warms my heart. Western airlines employ mere engineers to fix problems, but some Asian ones employ THE SKY GOD HIMSELF.

Beeeeep!

Oops, sorry, that was my irony alarm slipping into the red zone.

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There was a similar case in Turkey six years ago where a camel was sacrificed at Istanbul airport.

In that instance, more than 700 kilos of camel meat were distributed to airport staff to take home to eat as a reward. Or perhaps a punishment.

Have you ever tasted camel meat? Season your sandals lightly with salt and pepper, then sauté with butter. That’s the taste.

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As far as East Asia is concerned, animal sacrifice has mostly died out, although there is a town in Taiwan which has an annual giant pig sacrifice.

The chosen pig is fed until it is the weight of two cars or one Samoan housewife. This is not a nice thing to do to pigs—or housewives, come to that.

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ENOUGH OF ANIMAL SACRIFICE STORIES.

IN OTHER NEWS……

A NEW STUDY found that most people can’t go 10 minutes without lying. I’m shocked. Could it be so long? Clearly they failed to survey lawyers, PR executives, political leaders, etc.

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NOW THAT the Pants of Mass Destruction have been snatched from Al Qaeda’s explosive underwear division, I wonder if the technology could be used for something else? I quite fancy wearing a pair (at a low setting) for the next time I go to a Japanese winter festival.

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THE USE of “light” drugs such as marijuana has been increasing for four years among young people, a study said last week. This is bad. My generation has already seen how gateway drugs lead kids to heavy, destructive addictions, such as mocha frappaccino, polyester suits and staying up late watching rubbish on the internet.

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PARENTS WERE told that their 18-month old baby was on a no-fly list, the international media reported last Friday.

JetBlue Airways said the incident, in Florida, was “a mistake”.

As a frequent traveler who has trouble sleeping on planes, could I request that this mistake be made more often, please?

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