Amazing memory boy is like my wife

A YOUNG MAN IS BEING celebrated for his amazing memory. A reader sent me an interview in which Aurelien Hayman, 20, of Wales was given a random date: October 1, 2006.

He immediately recited his key memories of that day: it was cloudy outside, he listened to a particular song by a band called The Killers, and he asked a girl out on a date. (She said no.)

The boy has been described by the media as “one of only a handful of people in the world with hyperthymesia”.

This is rubbish. All women, upon getting married, develop this special skill. Not only that, but they store up things their husbands say for decades on end, ready for regurgitating at a particular time.

Proof: I have on my cubicle wall an AP cutting about a 78-year-old woman who beat up her 84-year-old husband.

“A witness told police the woman admitted assaulting her husband, including kicking him three times in the groin, because he had an affair 35 years ago.”

I know they say that “revenge is a dish best served cold”, but most men will have forgotten the sins they committed 35 years ago. We have to delete memories of past sins to make room for new ones, assuming we are still up to committing any.

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FROM TWITTER: Of all the Asian martial arts, the one that inflicts most pain is karaoke.

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SOMEWHERE IN Asia, a Swedish fugitive is hiding, the Stockholm media reported last week. Police caught a guy for smuggling and thought they had jailed him, but recently discovered that he had paid a similar-looking friend to do his jail term for him.

The case shocked people in Europe, but is quite common in parts of Asia, and is sometimes done with the suspected connivance of authorities.

The most notorious example is Gu Kailai at her trial in China recently. Mrs Gu, thin-faced with double-fold eyelids, grew chubby and developed single-fold eyelids at her court appearance.

At a dinner party recently, I asked people how much cash they would need to do someone else’s three-year jail term.

For those who would, the going rate was US$2 million.

For me, no amount of money would make me agree to be locked in a building to be abused night and day by violent murderers, sadists and rapists.

I had quite enough of that at school.

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JAPAN JUST passed a law threatening long jail terms for nasty content thieves, er, “helpful content sharers” (depending on your point of view). It’s not just mega-rich tricksters like Kim Dotcom (above) who are targeted, but any kid who downloads a single not-paid-for song.

There are about 2.3 billion children in the world, and all of them attend my daughter’s birthday parties, judging by the mess. Japan will need a lot of prisons.

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BUMPER STICKER seen by Daniel Bloom (above) of Taiwan: “Sorry, the lifestyle you ordered is currently out of stock due to climate change and global warming impacts coming very soon. Call back in one million years."

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THE SOCIETY of Urologists (doctors specializing in urinary systems) has just had their annual meeting in China, I hear from Jo Lusby (above) of Beijing. They chose the Hangzhou wetlands.

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MY NEW book has now been released from captivity and is being trucked along the expressways as we speak. Surely nothing else can wrong…

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