| Polygamy in Malaysia |
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| Written by Mariam Mokhtar | |
| Friday, 22 January 2010 | |
 Malaysia's Polygamy Club Nik Aziz, the spiritual leader of Parti Islam se-Malaysia, was quoted on Dec. 11 in Malaysia's New Straits Times as saying Islamic spiritual leaders should practice polygamy to be better able to counsel their flocks about the practice, which he called suitable to "the era of information and communications technology." It is not. It is suited to the Middle Ages. Statistics show that polygamous marriages, like twisters, leave a trail of destruction in the form of neglected women and dysfunctional children in their wake. Polygamy has been much in the Malaysian news. The New York Times, in a Jan. 5 article about a polygamous family, painted a relatively benign picture of a husband with four wives -- a physician, a divorce lawyer and two teachers -- and nine children living in apparent harmony in Kuala Lumpur. Other media have given considerable attention to The Ikhwan Polygamy Club, which says it has 1,000 members across Malaysia, Indonesia, Australia, Singapore, Thailand, the Middle East and Europe. It is questionable, however, how much harmony there is in most polygamous marriages, which in the period 1995-2004 represented about 1.4 percent of all Muslim marriages according to statistics from the National University of Malaysia. There were 13,500 polygamous marriages during the period although as some men fail to register their marriages, the figure could be as much as 5 percent, according to the university. To outsiders, the picture of polygamous marriage is of a prosperous politician or businessman who takes a second or third trophy wife. But acording to a new study by Sisters in Islam, a Muslim women's rights organization: "Many men in both lower and middle economic groups marry second wives so that they will contribute to the economic maintenance of their polygamous families. Women contribute to the nafaqa (the Muslim husband's responsibility for maintenance) which polygamous husbands tend not to fulfill." Thus, in reality, just as a pimp derives his income from his share of the earnings of the women he runs, some polygamous Malaysian men abrogate their responsibilities as breadwinner by choosing wives with high earning potential. The first wife might have had primary schooling, the second could have completed secondary education, the third holding a diploma. Each subsequent wife being better qualified than the last brings in more money. Shrewd men value education. So what is the hidden message if fathers actively encourage their daughters to get an education before marrying? Successful women in their late 20s or 30s are too 'old' for the monogamous marriage market. Their only hope of raising a family is as second wives to older men. The irony is that by being educated to reduce their dependence on men, the women unwittingly succumb to the likelihood of polygamous marriages. Polygamy is supposedly effective in controlling promiscuity, but does it? Witness the steady stream of men from the fundamentalist northern border states crossing into Thailand, where brothels abound. In the east coast states of Kelantan and Terengganu, the majority of HIV-positive people are drug users. Single polygamous women marry within their small social circle of equally destitute people and become infected with HIV. Housewives now constitute the largest single group of HIV-infected people and it is climbing rapidly. Housewives constituted 19 percent of HIV-positive people in the two states in 2007. That climbed to 27 percent in 2008. Both religion and education should be powerful tools in the fight against HIV/AIDS. Many people know the routes of sexual infection, such as drug use, heterosexual and homosexual sex. But they are ignorant about HIV testing (premarital testing was introduced in 2006) and falsely believe that Islam bans condom use. If HIV infection is to be curbed, training the ulama and educating the people in practicing safe sex with spouses and/or sex workers, are critical. Polygamy is said to reduce prostitution, adultery and divorce rates. Kelantan has 16,500 registered single mothers below the age of 60. This figure excludes those deserted by their husbands. Although abandoned women cannot seek welfare aid or remarry, there is no recourse for legal redress from their husbands. Problems like these fuel women's rights activists. Polygamy predates Islam and was once thought to be meant to protect war widows and assist elderly single women. The current urban myth promoting polygamy was the surfeit of women. For one available man, there were supposedly eight women. Wars, conflict zones, female infanticide and fetus-sex selection may generate a gender imbalance in the population. But in present-day Malaysia? It doesn't appear likely. Instead of 1:8, in the 15-64 age group in 2007, the ratio of men to women in Malaysia was 1.007:1. In the over-65 bracket, the ratio of men to women was 0.789:1. More women than men may exist in the over-65 group but only because globally women outlive men. Men seldom marry women in their mid-60s. Is polygamy an excuse to commit injustice? In a 1994 Women's Aid Organisation study, 58 percent of respondents resorted to physical abuse when wives disobeyed their husbands. Instead of being part of the solution, it is part of the problem, with women and children being treated unfairly, especially in the wake of previous changes in shariah law that have placed women at a disadvantage. Leadership and strong political will to amend the laws are missing. Malaysia in 1984 pushed through a federal Islamic Family Law requiring Muslim males to fulfill five conditions before taking a second wife: that he had the financial means, could guarantee equal treatment of the wives, that no harm be caused to the existing wife or wives, that the additional marriage was "just and necessary," and that the proposed marriage not directly or indirectly lower the existing wives and dependants' standard of living. In 1996, however, the final condition was deleted altogether, meaning that existing wives and dependants could legally be subjected to falling standards of living. In 2004, the "just and necessary" requirement was amended to "just or necessary," removing the Koranic requirement of justice and fairness. Many men thus found it easier to obtain permission for a polygamous marriage and to exploit legal loopholes without fear of legal or social rebuke. The Muslim woman's nightmare is that she is replaceable. Although polygamy is generally socially unacceptable across Malaysia, women in polygamous marriages largely do not deny their husbands' right to four wives. It is the degrading treatment of the wife that robs her of her dignity. It is the raw pain of betrayal and humiliation, discovering her husband wishes to remarry. If she refuses permission for her husband to add another wife, insecurity and abandonment for herself and her children only increase her isolation. While first wives are reluctant to acknowledge their changed marital status, the men themselves are proud to flaunt their latest trophy wives at the first social opportunity. Polygamy simply becomes a statement about the vulnerability of women. It also reflects the apparent difficulty men have in controlling themselves when they see a younger woman. Characteristically, second wives are termed 'gold-diggers.' Savvy women only consent to polygamous marriage with a prenup. Her marriage contract will stipulate terms for procuring a bungalow house, a BMW and a monthly RM5,000 allowance. These are her insurance for a comfortable old age. Malaysian shariah laws favor men and help to maintain a patriarchal society. Few women are aware of their rights and little attempt has been made to standardize the different state shariah laws nationwide. If the male can't fulfill any of the five conditions for a polygamous marriage, marriage can be arranged across the border in Thailand. On returning to Malaysia, the marriage can be registered and a nominal fine of RM3,000 is paid. Both the religious department and husband acknowledge that rules were broken. The fine is merely a rap on the knuckles. Ineffective deterrents mean women remain unprotected. Although women need to challenge the traditionalists, it takes immense courage to stand up to unfair and unequal treatment. Few, if any, would dare to do so because it is a mark of disloyalty against the Malays. More importantly, it would be seen as going against Islam. Being single, divorced or widowed is considered disgraceful on the east coast. This stigma provides impetus to seek respect in polygamous marriages. Some Islamic punishments for certain crimes are modified for modern Malaysia. There is no stoning for adultery. We don't lop limbs off for theft. So why not ban polygamy? It removes the sanctity of marriage. It fails both men and women. It turns women into 'material girls' who become expendable in a throw-away culture. Young men imagine that marriages have a built-in obsolescence and fail to build happy, lasting and meaningful relationships. Given the statistics cited above, it is flawed and should be outlawed. It has no place in the modern context. No woman is forced to be a second wife. She has a choice. She can say No. Polygamy is perpetuated by women because there would be no polygamy if no woman agreed to be a polygamous wife.
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(11)
 written by nicteo , January 29, 2010
This is how they perpetuate the downward decline of the Malay race, and strangely, their womenfolk don't seem to really mind, else this practice would had died long ago when the country modernize. I'm sure the other races are gleefully laughing by the side.
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written by Mamakthir , January 28, 2010
Some rich and successful Malaysian resorted to keeping concubines and mistresses in the secret and therefore cause much unhappiness in his wife family and the families of his concubines and mistresses. If polygamy is allowed, some of the unhappiness es can turn into bliss if the wife can help to choose other wives. But this is not a cure-all panacea for the roving eye serial philander.
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written by Mamakthir , January 28, 2010
It seems that some Muslim women are really happy in the polygamous community. The 1Malaysia ideal should also extend the happiness to other non-Muslim women who are also prepared to share the kitchen.
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written by Snow Owl , January 28, 2010
This is a very badly written piece. There is too much emotions and not enough facts. I live on the northern prairies of America. Here we have the Mandan, Hidatsa and Arikara Indians. In their past they practiced Sororal Polygamy. For example, when a man married the eldest daughter of the family he also had the choice of marrying the younger sisters as well. That is, if the younger sisters agreed. If the younger sister thought the guy was a jerk, she did not have to marry him. But this arrangement was very common. Also when the man married a woman, he moved in with her family. These Indian tribes were at war all the time. The men were getting killed all the time. Men were in short supply.
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It is interesting to note, this society was Matriarchal in nature. That is, the women ruled not the men. If Sororal Polygamy was so bad, why did they not stop it? What it did was it made the family unit stronger. Younger women were dying at even greater numbers back then in child birth. When the young mother died, who looked after her other children? It was her sisters who filled the void, who were encompassed in that family already. It was not a perfect system by any means. There were divorces and other problems. But for this culture in this time and place, it full filled a need. I am sad to say in America today 50% of the babies born here, are being born to single mothers. My mother is 80 years old and said that good and decent men have always been in short supply. It is easy to look into a culture and say what's wrong with it using the judgement from our culture. We always need to take the additional step forward and try to understand how these cultural mores developed and see why the culture thinks they are good and are valued. This was not a badly written story We expect our writers to take strong positions if the facts warrant it, and the statistics Ms. Mokhtar used supported her position. We are not convinced that the experience of northern US plains indians has anything to do with the situation in Southeast Asia, or fot that matter the price of tea in China -- Eds. report abuse
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written by old crocodile , January 24, 2010
What the author described is a cultural thing. Islam easily came to this region because of it's tolerance of sexual proclivities. It is common to see poor Muslims males with 2 to 4 wives. There is no maintainance to speak of. They all look after themselves as best as they can. And the man? He just loiters here and there smoking cheap cigarettes. And the rest? When a Malay man comes to some money, the first thing that comes to mind is "get another wife". The psychological and social complications run deep into Malay society. It is contributing to the moral degradation of the community. The others contributors? The NEP, corruption, incompetence and a culture of stupidity created by a stupid education policy. The future looks bleak for the Malays. They just can't seem to get everything right.
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written by Clarifier , January 24, 2010
Lets be clear - homosexual and heterosexual sex acts on their own DO NOT contribute to HIV transmission. UNPROTECTED sexual acts do. The writer is wrong to make such a sweeping statement and will mislead people to think that sexual actvities on their own lead to HIV/AIDS.
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written by Malaysia boleh , January 23, 2010
The man who take 2nd or 3rd wives are sex maniacs. The use religion to cover their evil intenttions.
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Unfortunately, the low status of Malay women in Malaysia lends itself to such abuse. report abuse
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written by Arnold , January 23, 2010
Instead of growing the economy these people are growing more and more wives, families and demanding more handouts, subsidies, aids, bantuan, etc. Productivity is measured in number of babies not in goods & services.
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It's only a matter of time. Another Indonesia in the making. Mark my word. Shameful! report abuse
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written by BEWARE , January 23, 2010
Die Thiru... just stay in US la. Still no peace there? Just go ostolia then. Why shouting in here. Vanggre... vanggre sapedum....
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written by Thiru , January 22, 2010
Welcome to Islam world. My allah, what a pyscho's. I just want to puke. It is much worst in Middle East. I couldn't wait the day when they run out of oil and seeing them kneeling to the Christian Nations. I love Christian countries. They are so peaceful. I never once in my life heard anyone telling me or excited about migrating to a Muslim countries. I myself, I would rather hang But when USA or Europe is concern, even the muslim die to migrate there. The problem is, when they get there, they create problems there too. Damn it.
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