Brain optional, scientists say, and I have to agree

Brain optional, scientists say, and I have to agreeME: You slept 14 hours! TEENAGE DAUGHTER: I’m up, I’m up, see? * Moves from bedroom doorway to sofa and lies down* *** I’m telling you, this kid has life SORTED. Conscious awareness is over-rated. No, really. It’s science. Scientists just discovered a snail which can make decisions using only two brain cells, a report…

4 TALES THAT PROVE OUR BRAINS ARE SWITCHED OFF AND IN OUR POCKETS

4 TALES THAT PROVE OUR BRAINS ARE SWITCHED OFF AND IN OUR POCKETS  SUDDENLY REALIZED THAT when I wash food by holding it under the horrible yellow water that comes out of my tap I am really just adding an extra dose of carcinogens. Funny how we do things without thinking these days. *** Case in point: A reader sent me a news report about an unobservant man…

Differences between Westerners and Easterners

Differences between Westerners and EasternersAsia contains literally four billion people. So it’s kind of weird that every time I visit the West, people say: “You’re from Asia? I met a guy from there once; I wonder if you know him?” What’s even more weird is that I usually do. *** At a writers’ festival in Singapore recently, the authors’…

4 true stories about taking risks

4 true stories about taking risksI NEVER USED TO be a risk-taker but then I had children who would play in the dirt and say things like: “Daddy, close your eyes and open your mouth.” Parents soon learn what true courage is. I’ve been thinking about brave decisions after reading a news item: a couple who got top score on a…

Thoughts about persuasive speech

Thoughts about persuasive speechINTERVIEWER: “And exactly how much leadership experience do you have?” ME: “Does being admin of a Whatsapp list count? Because I had 20 names on one before I accidentally deleted it.” He wasn’t impressed by that or anything else I said. I guess some folk have the gift of the gab and some don’t. ***…

My position on gender and toilets

My position on gender and toiletsA WOMAN WAS SACKED for having short hair and wearing trousers to work recently. “They said I was gay,” she complained to an unsympathetic Labor Tribunal in the city of Guiyang, southwest China. How could her employers get it so wrong? A pixie cut and skinny pants are what all the BABES wear these days.…

I’m outing myself: I identify as a potato

I’m outing myself: I identify as a potatoIt’s 2055. Phones are painted onto our palms. Being transgender is compulsory, except for Popes, who have to be female. All countries have combined into one big nation, North Zuckerberg. No, wait. Maybe life won’t be that weird in 2055. It will be that strange much sooner, like maybe in the next week or so.…

MONDAY MOANING BLUES: THOUGHTS ABOUT SILENCE

MONDAY MOANING BLUES: THOUGHTS ABOUT SILENCEI TOLD MY CHILDREN THE HORRIFIC TRUTH about life in the old days: “And at about 11.30 every night, they would play the national anthem and we would pretend to stand up and every screen went blank. And all screens in the land remained dead until the next afternoon.” They were shocked. “But what did…

THE DAY 16 WOMEN ESCAPED THEIR MARRIAGES

THE DAY 16 WOMEN ESCAPED THEIR MARRIAGESWIFE: “The house is on fire! Get the kids out first!” ME (Stuffing Star Wars figurines collection into pockets): “I’m on it! Really soon! Almost immediately!” *** Fortunately, it turned out to be a dream—or rather a nightmare. No husband/ father should ever be forced to make an impossible moral choice like that. *** The…

Smart pets harm my self-esteem

Smart pets harm my self-esteemA DOG HAS LEARNED TO READ. Fernie, a two-year-old Labrador from the UK, can read four words and is working on another 20, says his owner, a teacher. The growing intelligence of animals worries me, as I well remember the difficulty I once had trying to teach a two-year-old HUMAN not to throw herself off…
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